All Fauxn Up

She, like everyone else, is only pretending to know what she's doing

  • Why me?

    Runtime: 1 hr 39 min

    Starring: Oliver Reed, Sunny Johnson, and Maia Danziger

    Director: Charles B. Griffith

    Sense my disappointment

    I hated this so much.

    There are comedies that are not meant for me, but I can see how other people would like the comedy.

    Then there are comedies that I’m not sure how anyone could like. I need someone to explain this one to me.

    Dr. Hekyll is a podiatrist. He isn’t experimenting with anything, but his colleague is (i.e., a diet drug). The doctor, in this film, starts off with a “monster” appearance but is a good guy. When he takes the diet drug, hoping that it’ll kill him (just don’t ask), it turns him into a regular-looking man instead, who has an awful personality and is also very vain.

    This isn’t terribly far-removed from some of the other adaptations. It is, however, terrible. The comedy wasn’t for me. As a positive, it did stand out from the rest in that the more “regular” Hekyll looked, the more monster he became. So, that’s something!

    My man Utterson wasn’t there.

    And there was no will.

    If there was a will? I’d like to think he would leave me his nifty podiatry chair from his office.

    2/10

    Siemelle

  • Just gimme some Goobers!

    Not counting the adaptations of Jekyll & Hyde in September, I watched ten movies.

    You know me; I don’t usually list every movie I’ve watched. For this breakdown, I’ll give you my “pleasant surprise,” my “it was just okay,” and my “never again.”

    My “pleasant surprise”:

    Awwww

    I read The Love Hypothesis by Ali Hazelwood back in 2019. I finished it and rated it 2/5 stars. To prepare for this film, I wanted to reread the book. Second time around, I couldn’t even get through it! So imagine my surprise when I finished the film, and this was the rare time I preferred the movie to the book! 8.4/10

    My “it was just okay”:

    Well?

    This was my first time seeing this film. I don’t really know. It was okay. That’s all there is to say about it. I wasn’t blown away. This definitely isn’t my favorite Hanks-and-Ryan collaboration. 6.9/10

    My “never again”:

    Huh?

    I didn’t even finish this. 1.2/10

    The question becomes: Can Siemelle fit more horror into October?

    Let’s see!

    Siemelle

  • Source

    Runtime: 1 hr 27 min

    Starring: Bernie Casey, Rosalind Cash, and Marie O’Henry

    Director: William Crain

    Dr. Henry Pride Gone Bad – Just like all the other Doctors before him!

    This is described as a blaxploitation horror film. I knew there was a whole genre of film described this way, but I’m pretty sure this is the first I’ve personally watched. This doesn’t follow the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in a strict sense. We do still have our good doctor – Dr. Henry Pride, here – experimenting. Instead of trying to separate good from evil or improve mental health, Dr. Pride is working on a way to regenerate tissue. Specifically, regenerating liver tissue. He starts experimenting on animals, but that goes wrong. So, he has the bright idea – because these doctors always have “bright” ideas – to switch to humans. Specifically, on a woman who comes in for treatment who, after the injection, momentarily goes bonkers, attacks a nurse, and then dies.

    Good job, Dr. Pride!

    /Sarcasm

    Since he so clearly fucked up, he decides, instead, to experiment on himself. I don’t understand the reasoning. I don’t recall him saying that he was sick at any point. In fact, he seems perfectly healthy to me! So, he injects himself with the serum and, lo, he turns into a different version of himself that, again, I’m not sure I understand.

    I think he was supposed to turn into an albino? I think that’s what they were going for? Don’t quote me on that. What I do know is that the makeup effects make him appear more zombie-like. Also, it gives off Frankenstein vibes. He’s unsettling in his strength/invincibility. With the backstory he gives of his mother in the middle of the film – not going to spoil it for you – there are also callbacks to Jack the Ripper. Wait! At the end, there is also a King Kong-esque moment. It was a little bit of everything!

    He definitely folded it in

    It’s not a bad film. It’s just not exciting either. I can appreciate this specific genre, though. Most movies from the 1970s do have a certain style and grittiness that I enjoy. This just had a little more than the others. It felt like a group of friends grabbing their camera and putting together a movie. It works! Especially for this type of story.

    Sadly, this is the last major film from the 1970s that I could successfully locate, so we will move into the 1980s next!

    Oh, by the way, Utterson wasn’t here.

    Also, no will. If he did have a will, though, Dr. Pride would absolutely leave me his stethoscope.

    6.7/10

    Siemelle

  • What’s the weirdest movie you’ve ever watched?

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    Okay, hear me out.

    I have probably watched a lot of weird movies. I have been told I’m a weird person. It stands to reason that I have seen a lot of weird things in my life. So, why did I struggle to think of a weird movie? This should have been so much easier!

    I did think of one, though.

    A fever dream sort of movie.

    What?

    The Forbidden Zone (1980)

    Runtime: 1 hr 14 min

    Starring: Gene Cunningham, Marie-Pascale Elfman, Virginia Rose

    Director: Richard Elfman (yes, Danny Elfman’s brother)

    Also, with a guest spot by Danny Elfman playing a devil-like figure.

    This movie is wild. Part musical. Part Sci-fi B-movie. Many parts weird! I can’t recommend this movie. Unless you’re a weird person like me, then maybe watch it? If you’re not going to blink at a princess who runs around topless the entire film. Or a part-man, part-frog who runs around. Or a man who basically acts like a chicken. There is also some sex stuff that goes on that could be described as questionable.

    It’s something.

    As far as weird, this one is definitely up there!

    Siemelle

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  • Source

    Runtime: 1 hr 21 min

    Starring: Sebastian Brook, Mady Maguire, and Donn Greer

    Director: Eric Jeffrey Haims

    Source

    I think it’s safe to say that slasher sexploitation films may not be for me?

    At least, this one was decidedly not for me!

    Look, friends, I don’t know what the plot actually was. What I do know was that as soon as this film started, I got nervous.

    This was my internal dialogue: “Oh no. Why are you filmed this way? What did I just walk into? Oh noooooo. You gotta warn a person before you show them body parts.”

    And this wasn’t the slasher film body-part-flashes type of film. This was, “I need to shut the door, and please don’t let anyone knock because I can’t explain this one.”

    I’m far from being a prude, but I just wasn’t prepared. Mentally, I didn’t know what type of movie I was sitting down with. That being said, it does have sexual situations depicted on screen, friends. While it’s not full-blown pornographic, it’s definitely giving 1970s porn without the nitty-gritty. You know what I mean. As long as you go in prepared for that aspect, it’s not as jarring.

    *sigh*

    However, I want to be responsible with you, so I am going to let you know that twice in this movie an actual close-up dissection of a frog occurs. That, honestly, was more jarring than all the body parts. And it is an actual dissection. I wasn’t sure if the filmmakers had the budget to accomplish a fake one while I was watching it. A Google search confirmed it wasn’t fake.

    That does upset me.

    As for how this relates to Jekyll & Hyde? It doesn’t follow the story. Clearly! There is something about a Jekyll & Hyde syndrome. It is unclear to me whether the disorder is named after an actual Dr. Jekyll, or whether it’s meant to center on the Robert Louis Stevenson story. I don’t know.

    My reccomendation is to skip this.

    Unless you’re very interested, it’s not worth it.

    2/10

    Siemelle

  • Mine.

    I was going to wait until October to go over my top reads for July-September, but this month has been a very slow reading month, and I can’t imagine I’ll fit another 5-star read in before the month ends. Which is fine. Okay, it’s actually a little upsetting, but it’s also fine because I have many books, and surely one of them is astounding and phenomenal. Despite not finding too many books to make up my entire personality, books that change the chemistry of my brain? A few books from the last few months stuck with me.

    I’m going to lump the first two together.

    For the artwork alone – 5 stars!

    Two women using IVF, and it goes exactly the way you wouldn’t want it to go. If you were put in this situation, what would you do?

    6 Stars! I picked this up on Kindle Unlimited because I was seeing it all over BookTok. I was so sure this story wasn’t for me because Romantasy has never interested me. This, however, has more fantasy than romance. A really good balance. I enjoyed the hell out of this!

    I read this back in 2019, and I loved it. I was happy to learn it held up really well for me. Unfortunately, I also read the next two in this series, and those were highly disappointing. My recommendation? Stick with this one. Enjoy Emily and Simon. Forget about the others!

    Well, friends, we are moving into the last quarter of 2026.

    Wish me many 5-star reads in the next three months!

    Siemelle

  • Source

    Runtime: 1 hr 15 min

    Starring: Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing, and Mike Raven

    Director: Stephen Weeks

    So confused sometimes
    • Christopher Lee is back
    • Why use most of the names from the original story, but change Dr. Henry Jekyll to Dr. Charles Marlowe and Edward Hyde to Edward Blake?
    • Utterson is back, and he’s played by Peter Cushing! OMG!
    • We’re focusing on the separation of good and evil
    • NOT THE CAT! WTF!
    • Very upset
    • NOT YOUR PATIENT! WTF?
    • Still upset
    • Minimal make-up, just enough to make him look a little less like Christopher Lee
    • Did they try to make Edward sympathetic? I’m confused!
    • 1 Trampled Child
    • 1 Murder
    • 1 Heart attack?
    • There’s a will!
    • I hope, in this will, Dr. Marlowe/Jekyll left Utterson’s hand in marriage

    And those are my notes as I had them jotted down.

    I enjoyed this one more than I thought I would, but still not as much as I enjoyed those first initial movies from 1920 and 1931. I’m realizing there is no need for blood, gore, or shock value to be effective. Those earlier films were surely shocking at the time of their release, but tame by today’s standards. Even so, they still pack a harder punch than the majority I’ve watched after them. I am hoping that changes! I don’t know how the rest of the 1970s will turn out, but I have high hopes for the 1980s. Surely nothing slasher-y can happen! Not in the 1980s!

    Giggle.

    I’m totally getting a Friday the 13th-esque movie at some point, aren’t I?

    6.5/10

    Siemelle

  • This is Siemelle coming to you live from her phone while curled up on her bed.

    I had a whole idea for a new post tonight. Alas, my Thursday will now consist of me rethinking my life choices.

    Like that time I turned down the opportunity to be a vampire.

    ……it could have happened! You don’t know everything!

    Until next time!

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  • Source

    Runtime: 1 hr 34 mins

    Starring: Ralph Bates, Martine Beswick, and Gerald Sim

    Director: Roy Ward Baker

    Source

    I would say this is Jekyll and Hyde adjacent, too.

    It shares Dr. Henry Jekyll’s character with the original material, as well as our doctor experimenting with things better left alone.

    There is also plenty of murder in this film, as well! This isn’t a plot point in the book, but it is something it shares with a few other films carrying Dr. Jekyll’s name.

    Instead, what we have here is Dr. Jekyll attempting to find a source of eternal life, which, somehow, means extracting hormones from women.

    ??

    ??

    I’m not sure I understand the science behind this. Anyway, we also have hints that Dr. Jekyll is the source of the Whitechapel murders, aka Jack the Ripper. I’m actually a little surprised it took someone that long to make that particular connection.

    Just in case it was unclear, the idea of separating good from evil, human from monster, etc., is abandoned in favor of eternal life through hormones. I don’t think I’m spoiling anything if I tell you that instead of Jekyll shifting between good and evil, he shifts between man and woman. Throw in a little love square that centers around Jekyll, Hyde, and the brother and sister who live next door to them, and that’s our story.

    There wasn’t even a will.

    If there was, I’m certain Dr. Jekyll would leave me his cloak.

    There really wasn’t anything that stood out about this one. It actually felt awkward all the way around. If you’re going on this particular Jekyll and Hyde journey with me or plan to catch a few films in the future, I would still give this one a try. It may not be in my top five films so far, but I’ve watched ones I enjoyed a whole lot less.

    But, hey, at least I didn’t fall asleep!

    6/10

    Siemelle

  • Hey, come closer. I have a secret.

    A BIG SECRET!

    It’s a secret, so you can’t tell anyone. If you tell, there will be consequences. It’ll mostly just be me being sad, but those are some heavy consequences because you wouldn’t like me when I’m sad. It’s a lot of ugly crying.

    Are you ready for my secret?

    Have you promised not to tell?

    Harold, I don’t trust you, so you can’t know the secret. You can go now and only come back when you’ve learned the art of secret-keeping.

    Just wait, everyone.

    He’s going.

    Alright, he’s gone.

    So, I love reading. That’s my secret.

    I love reading, and there are tropes that I struggle with.

    We already discussed how I’m not a fan of second-chance romance. Other tropes, though, hurt my feelings just as much. So now I shall expand upon my secret and tell you this:

    I don’t like instalove in my romance either.

    Two strangers have their meet-cute, and instead of the steady build of developing feelings, one (or both) declares the other “the one.” For real, you know this person for a whole five minutes, and you already know that you are going to get married, move to the suburbs, have a house with a dog bouncing in the yard, and have babies with this person?

    What the what?

    You know all that in five minutes?

    What I think this actually is is a case of two people wanting their private bits to be introduced to each other.

    But Siemelle, how can you be so unromantic?

    I dunno.

    I’m talented that way?

    I have a hard time understanding how you can meet someone and immediately know they’re the person you’re meant to be with. I’ve known people for years, and I’m still unsure if I want to keep them around!

    When it comes to reading, I want to see the feelings and relationship develop in some way. I want to see it turn into love.

    Well, I’m going to go find Harold. Break the news to him that I decided not to keep him around. Seriously, he can’t be trusted!

    Siemelle

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